I’ve been AWOL for well over a week…and I’m soo sorry 😊
What have I been up to?
Well, been busy conquering my phobias (lol) and learning to drive.
You would think that driving lessons would strictly involve driving terminologies and talks about safety and caution eh? Well, not when you have an instructor with a great sense of humor, and my brother and I as the students.
One minute we’re talking about First Aid and the next, I learn a new theory about life, relationships and the human mind: THE HEDONIC ADAPTATION.
Ever wondered why you want an iPhone X so bad…soooooo bad, and then you get it, and there’s the thrill…and then, as the days go by, the thrill lessens, and lessens, and it doesn’t seem so valuable anymore, and now you want an iPhone XS Max…SOOO BAD?! Yes? Good.
Sure you’ve also been told once or twice by a love interest that you were the very air they breathed, the reason for their survival….And Then…One day, they wake up and inform you they’re moving on – maybe even ghost you lol..And the person who claimed you were their oxygen, now breathes perfectly fine without you (aka life support)? Yes? Good.
As usual, I’m here for you- to tell you the probable reason why-and it’s not what you thought.
After a breakup, most people tend to get mad at the person who terminates the relationship, calling them liars because they said there was love there and now there isn’t. Makes perfect sense. I mean, how could I have been your everything 2months ago, and now I’m nothing. I was obviously played, and used- stupid, dumb…(S)HE OBVIOUSLY LIED!!!!! No? Yes!
But maybe not darling.
Psychologists say there is a phenomenon called – HEDONIC ADAPTATION —
the idea is that no matter how good something makes us feel (or, for the record, how bad), most of the time we drift back to where we started, emotionally-speaking. One often-cited study famously showed that despite their initial euphoria, lottery winners were no happier than non-winners eighteen months later. The same tendency to return to “baseline” has been shown to occur after marriage, voluntary job changes, and promotions—the kinds of things we usually expect to change our happiness and well-being for the better in a permanent way.
I would go deeper, but I’m mindful of boring you with too many words.
My point is- it’s probably time to stop bearing grudges against people you were close to, who walked out of your life without logical explanations. Their intentions may not have been mal from the get-go. Maybe they just got bored-lost the euphoria-found something better-and that’s okay. It’s human nature to value what we don’t have and lose value for what we have on a platter, laying at our feet.
How do We Counter Adaptation?
Knowledge is power eh? Once you know a problem, finding solutions becomes a piece of cake.
It is possible to make happiness last- maintain the thrill- by slowing the adaptation process, or even halting it all together. The Keys Are : VARIETY and APPRECIATION.
Variety is the spice of life. In other words, Spice up your relationships, in new, unexpected, even uncomfortable ways. We don’t get “used to” positive events when our experiences are novel, or unexpected. When, on the other hand, a positive experience is repetitive—when you know exactly what to expect—you don’t get the same kick out of it.
Also go out of your way to appreciate the important things and people in your life, rather than taking them for granted or letting your love fade away- it takes conscious effort,
And for yourself- No matter how great the love-darlings, it isn’t so wise to let people get too comfortable with you- to know that you would die for them. Keep that information to yourself lest They Adapt.😊
You dont have to thank me for me for looking out for you again…You’re always welcome 😉😊
For more on Hedonic Adaptation and how it works, See : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-success/201208/how-keep-happiness-fading